Thursday, August 17, 2017


Greetings and welcome! 

There is a misconception in regards to the act of forgiving. When we forgive another, we benefit ourselves because by forgiving another person of a transgression, we "free ourselves" from the burden.

Many folks believe that when another is forgiven, the person forgiven is then let off the hook, so to speak, but this is not the case because the one forgiven is still left to carry the burden of guilt and they have no longer a hold over the forgiver. Hence, a transgressor who has wronged another, must forgive themselves to "free themselves".

To reach the place of forgiving self, there are steps of accountability one must take to reach this place. First, a person feeling guilty because of something wrong they've done, must "voluntarily" acknowledge/admit to themselves they did wrong; they made a mistake. Second, they have to confess they have to the one or ones they've wronged, if possible, and third, if possible, apologise "sincerely without excuses". Fourth, they have to make an honest and sincere attempt to right the wrong, make restitution, and/or take steps to show they've learned from their mistake(s) to prevent making the same again. Once these steps of accountability have been completed, the person seeking self forgiveness and freedom from guilt, will reach and obtain the forgiving of self and freedom. 

Note: Forced accountability is not the same as voluntary accountability. When a person is forced to be accountable, they may or may not truly within themselves to themselves admit their mistake or wrongdoing. If they do not, then usually there's tacked on in addition to guilt (likely denial of), bitterness, resentment, and even vengeance, which results in a person who is miserable and such people want everyone else to be as miserable as they are.

Voluntary accountability is NOT a pleasant or easy process. It requires real courage or guts as some would say and one has to "humble themselves", which means completely letting go of their ego and their ego fed pride. But it's not supposed to be easy or some joyride, because if it was pleasant and/or easy, there would be no learning and we'd be doomed to repeat the wrong again. Our character can't grow to become a better person if we learn no lessons and when lessons are particularly hard to bear, we aren't likely to forget the hard lessons learned and aren't therefore, going to be too keen on doing wrong in the future knowing the painful consequences to right or try to right a wrong.

Once you've gone through with the process and come clean, the reward of having the heavy burden of guilt lifted is indescribable, leaving you wondering why you didn't do it sooner. Since there are many folks who don't or won't forgive, who cling fiercely to their grudges, when you go through the pre-described process to forgive yourself, whether another or others forgive you or not, will not matter nor should it because we have no dominion over others' actions and behaviours, only our own. When we KNOW truly in our heart of hearts that we've done what's right, we need no validation of from anyone whatsoever. 

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"Being forgiving brings peaceful living."

💟 Have a wonderful day! 💟
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